I chickened out..

A few Sundays ago I was reading the paper and found this blurb asking for entries for the newspaper:

"What's it like being married?

We'd like you married folks out there to tell us what you wish you knew about being hitched before you tied the knot.

That you can't avoid the in-laws? That you should have kept your bank accounts separate? Always having someone to take care of you when you're sick?

Whether it was a pleasant surprise or a test of the "for worse" portion of your vows, we'd like to know about it."

So I became very inspired and wrote something, but lost the courage to actually submit it. I thought I would post it on my blog (that is probably read by nobody) so it was not a completely wasted writing exercise....so here are my thoughts on being married.

On May 6, 2005 I made vows, utter "I do", and married the love of my life. I knew I had found my soul mate and wanted to be with him forever, but looking back I had no idea that what we would undergo in the next two years would put these vows totest in ways I never imagined.

"In sickness and health"

We were making dinner, it was a Monday night in late September 2006. I can still remember it very clearly in my head. Steve was cooking hamburgers on the stove when the phone rang, I thought nothing of it and answered it. It was my doctor calling me with my pathology results from the previous week. She said the words adenocarcinoma, my mind races, carcinoma means cancer doesn't it? She goes on to tell me I have endometrial cancer, it appears to be in an early stage but I need to have a hysterectomy within the next month. Needless to say we did not eat the hamburgers.

Shortly after this I had a hysterectomy and bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy, which means my uterus and ovaries were removed. I was very lucky and the cancer was caught at its earliest state and it is very likely I am "cured". Through all of this my husband was there for me unfaltering and ever loving.

I have to say it is not as sad and tragic as it sounds. Before we were married we both agreed that we did not want to have children, not because we didn't want them but because there are already enough unwanted children in the world. Since then I have learned that deciding to not to have children and not being able to have children are not the same thing. I have to admit I have pangs of jealousy and sadness now that it seems that almost every married friend I have is either pregnant, recently gave birth, or is trying to get pregnant. But I remind myself that I have my husband and we can make a family of our own someday when we are ready, just not by traditional means.

"For better or worse"

I had thought that telling my husband that I had cancer was the worst thing I would ever have to tell him. I was very, very wrong. The following October I received a call from the minister of my in-law's church. My father-in-law had unexpectedly passed away and my mother-in-law was in shock and basically couldn't talk. I had to leave my office and go to my husband's office in the middle of the day and tell him his father was dead. Having lost my father years ago to cancer, I realized that once I told him this his life would be different forever. I had to shatter his world. It was my turn to be there for him and help him through all the feelings he was about the experience. Somehow we made it through the following hours and days.

Between these life-changing events we have lead a very happy life. Life goes on and we have leared to treasure our time together with each other and our families. What life has dealt us has made our relationship stronger and our l ove deeper and would would not be the same people without it. I never thought I would feel this way about someone and I can't imagine my life without him. Being married is amazing.